This morning, me and my sister were driving back home from Texas. We were there visiting our friend who has found a like-minded gay transsexual Elvis impersonator who makes a great chocolate martini and cooks up an incredible Rago Rava Idli breakfast burrito that is to die for! We had a great time... We stopped in Houstonia to visit my friend David who manages a really great bar and food truck stop where all the Astros hang out and visiting team players always stop by... Great place! The Truck Yard! Don't miss it if you're in the area...
So... What happened? I'll tell you what happened... It all started when we left Houstonia. I'd already drove a thousand miles in 20 hours and was toast... We left Houstonia at around 6:30 AM yesterday morning. After driving a few country miles I got the clue that I was in no condition to drive any further... I was three sheets to the wind and I could smell the alcohol on my breath... Bad sign. So I pulled over and gave my sister the keys and told her to drive... She was all like "No way, bro! I ain't driving nowhere!!!" I should have taken her at her word... I handed her a Five-Hour E=MC Squared Energy and stuffed her in the driver's seat... I should have known better when I noticed she was squinting to see through her blind left eye... My bad...
So, she drove... My sister... She drove and she drove, and after about five minutes, I fell asleep. Many good dreams and bad nightmares ensued. Next thing I know, I woke up... I saw a sign that said Grand Canyon 30 Miles. We were in Arizona... I was all like "well, that makes sense..." Then I happened to glance up at the rear view mirror and saw in a fuzzy haze like 20 cop cars with lights a flashing!!! I was all like "What the fuck!?!" Just then the sound of the sirens started to kick in... I was terrified... But not really until I looked over at my sister and realized she had a Glock 40 on her lap, an AR-15 tactical assault rifle, with scopes and everything lodged in against the driver side door... Oh, and a sawed off shotgun between the seats... I was all like What the Fuck?
She tells me, and I quote, "You always said that if you were gonna off yourself, you'd jump off into the Grand Canyon." And I was like "Yeah... But I don't want to off myself!" She was all like "Deal with it, bro... I've got to set boundaries... I'm not going to deal with your bullshit anymore... We're going out together... Thelma and Louise style, bitch!!!
Just as we were headed over the cliff, a tiny little bird flew by us and looked me in the eye and said "You're not going out like this..." It was Teo riding Joey the bird... He threw a lasso around the car and guided us to safety... Now I'm home, safely, and all is well with the world... Peace and love to all! I have a second chance... And so does my sister...
Thelma And Louise Do It Down And Dirty
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment